Attachment parenting began to be poo-pooed when women in the workforce began to be celebrated. From the top down the definition of success was redefined and did not include family unity, family time, family health. Instead, it was an economic advance, economic prosperity, and economic results which led sweet mamas left standing on shaky unappreciated ground. Husbands watched other women ‘bring home the bacon, fry it up in a pan, and never let you forget your a man’ with the growing misunderstanding of the beauty of his woman. After all, from the outside, these other families with children in daycare and both parents working seemed just as happy as ever AND they were buying second cars and bigger homes. In reality, it did not require any more money to raise a family- until you began to want more or view the requirements from a different lens. The lens of want vs need. Attachment parenting slowly went by the wayside and peers have been raising one another in an ever-widening circle until now when the tides seem to be turning back as more parents realize that losing their child is not an option worth any amount of money, size of home, or comfort.
It has been a slow erosion with (now) a growing pocket of resistors. Those who somehow know deep within their hearts and souls that juggling three full-time roles meant that one would win the majority focus and it would not be either of the ones that mattered most. Those that remained home were made to feel less through media ecology (media marketing that changes our society).
Hello, nice to meet you. What do you do? ….. well, what do I do? I keep hearts beating and health flowing and suns rising and moons in the sky, but I do not work for a third party. (dull) Oh. Trying to revive the conversation, she adds, But I went to college for rocket science. (gasp) And you do nothing with that valuable education? (guiltily) No? Yes? It does come in handy in the kitchen, parenting, and teaching. (dull) Oh.
As I type this my stomach is in knots and I want to ‘strongly chide’ (okay, dress down) all of those who make a woman feel less than because she has chosen the greater part. The part that makes our world lovely and functioning. The part that raises world-changers. The part that exhibits to others is that they can still vote with their hearts and make a difference. -If they but had the courage of a stay-at-home wife/mom. Not to overlook stay-at-home dads because we are talking about attachment parenting and not gender roles and our biological makeup.
Studies are now showing that our children need one of their parents front and center for as long as possible. Sweet vindication? Maybe a little when I allow my lower humanity to rise up a bit. However, not for long because while our children are not having to go to daycare as we choose to live in smaller homes, drive used cars (sometimes even share a car- who does that in 2022?!), eat simpler, do less outside costly events, and so on we come face to face with a silent predator vying for the attention of our children. It rides around in their pockets and has become a cultural passage of rights for most of our teens and moving down to ‘youngers’ each year.
If you feel that you are doing all you can to keep the attachment and attention of your children but somehow losing the battle; if you feel frustrated at not knowing how to connect with your children’s hearts and wondering who has laid claim to it; if you swing between being thankful for the quiet atmosphere but guilty for the quiet atmosphere because something about it does not sit right in your spirit consider reading Hold On to Your Kids by Gordon Neufeld and Gabor Mate. It is not a homeschool-focused book but is a fascinating read. Not a reader? Then just take some time alone and with your spouse to consider the best days/times of your family life. What is included in those moments and what is not present? Do the same for the worst days/times. Then write down your commitment to one another as a family and the list of changes to be implemented. Be sure to be positive rather than punitive. Vinegar alone is a repellent. Honey and vinegar create a lovely balance.