The new year is about to begin and we should be about halfway through our academic year, day 90, mid-year reporting is due if you are in a state requiring this (such as SC). Thus far it may have been smooth sailing or bumpier than a toads back, but each day has come, and gone. No matter how those days have passed, the idea of adding more peace to one’s day is something every parent around the world can get behind. It is a daily quest even when it is not a focal point on our ToDo list. It is the Holy Grail of life with children.
You know what I mean. The magical day when we, Mom wakes up ahead of the children, full of energy, the snooze button is not screaming our name for just 30 more seconds of rest, and our children wake up just as rested, eager, and excited to begin the day— and it is not Christmas nor a Saturday! Those mark-it-on-your-calendar days are the ones that keep us coming back on the days typicial days of the in-between.
If you have not yet experienced one of these days, you will. They do happen. We just wish they happened more often, like every single day of our lives. The good news is that they can. Mostly. The bad news is that it takes focused effort, mindful preparation, and more sacrifice on our part. Don’t get discouraged. Think back to that last mountain-top day. So worth it!
Envision your goal of a peace filled day and then create reasonable steps that will help you attain your goal. If a sit down breakfast seems to set your family’s day in the right direction, you will need to do some just-before-bedtime prep and wake before the children. I always recommend waking at least one hour before your children in order to keep up with them. Otherwise, you are behind from the git-go, and catching up is a fickle dream.
Consider items that commonly derail your daily goals. This can be a post in itself. If the first mention of lessons and responsibility turn up the whine volume on your kids, figure out a consequence to shut them off. You know that I love the ‘honey and vinegar’ approach. Choose what you ought to do/be/act and you get honey. Choose what grates on everyone’s nerves, and I am pre-prepared (I know, redundant, but this redundancy is needed when staying one step ahead of a growing, emotional, intelligent, amazing child!) with some vinegar. And, usually a few options of each ‘medicine’.
Examples always help me. So, a lovely breakfast was laid before your hungry little homeschooligans, fun was abounding, joyful snippets to be heard, and giggles growing, until. Until you dared traverse the plains of ‘time to clean up and get to lessons’. Smiles turned upside down, emotional fox holes were dove into, and it was on. You against them. But, you my wise parent not only set up your breakfast plans the night before, you also had some pillow talk with your better half about this exact possible turn of moods, and you are ready. Bring it! Some responses, in a calm non-threatening tone (because this is just a part of their growing up, at the base you have allowed this to take root and grow, and you are the one who is modeling how to behave rather than manipulate).
“I hear the shift in your voices, and apologize that I have allowed you to speak in a way that the world will find annoying. Beginning today, when you are unhappy with the next thing that we get to do, you will have two choices. A good attitude or a bad attitude. The good attitude, well, that is the person who thrives in the world. You know, like (give an example). Those with bad attitudes are like the person at the store who does not want to help you. We do not want you to grow up to be like that guy, so we have a few options to help you learn to do as you ought to do with a good attitude (they do not need to feel happy about it, just self-governed in doing as they ought rather than giving into their emotional want).
Some of my go to favorites are having a cup with chores from cleaning a room, dusting, cleaning the toilet, dishes, extra math lesson, writing a poem, etc, but I also have several slips in there with ‘mercy’, because sometimes that is what we get in the real world, and if I impart nothing else to my children but the struggle to love like Jesus, I count our homeschool years a success.
Sometimes there is a clear consequence that meets the attitude like a drop of hot sauce on the tongue of a saucy child who just won’t zip it. Be careful in all things because as soon as you push them to a point of, ‘I don’t care’ you lose your leverage for all time because you have lost their hearts which are able to be regained, but with even greater and more mindful work on your part. Best advice, don’t bulldoze their hearts asunder.
Creating an If/Then list is a great option. I have a mental one for myself. If I wake one hour before my children, then I will be able to get X, Y, Z accomplish, and I will not be playing catch up all day. If my child wakes up with the ever contagious Grumpies, then they will be quarantined in their room (folding laundry or some such with no screens) until they have discovered a new outlook on life.
Let this lay in your heart and bubble around your brain for a day or two before moving forward. It is a mindful, love-full approach to parenting that requires sacrifice, dedication, and determination. It is you against them pitted toward joy. But, it is not simple nor easy. Simply worthy with the long lasting consequence of strong wonderful relationships. Happy building of your culture of peace within your home!