Dear Mom and Dad,
As I wrote to a friend this morning, the email touched on so many of my tender spots that many of us face but few of us share. If you are not yet at this point in growing up alongside your child, please do not be disheartened because this journey of raising up our children while using knowledge as a tool toward their best future self has also been filled with warm fuzzies, incredible moments/days/years, highs of successes, inexplicable joys, and many moments where I just knew that we had the world by the tail and were doing it all well.
Life is life, and just like when you share something difficult with a friend (or a stranger) to discover that they are or have dealt with the same issue- this is one of those areas. I take heart that struggle simply means that God is not done with me yet!!
Life does just keep winding around and about. We thought it was difficult with all of those little ones running about leaving us sleep deprived yet onward and upward they grow.
Life and learning continues in its zig-zaggy course, but the stressors and problems come from deeper places, more foreign places requiring more of us than we thought we had to give, and which can only be found by digging bravely within our own souls with our eyes high above and our hopes open to a will beyond our own. A will that loves our child(ren) far more than our limited hearts are capable It is tough!!!!
And I am a step behind where you are, so it is obviously simply going to keep on and on. My anchor that brings balance is vulnerability given over to Christ. That willingness for pie in the face wed to trust that God will turn it all for His good if I but stay the course seeing only one footstep ahead.
You are such a steady daughter for your dad, mother for you children, and I am certainly hoping that transfers to your husband as well. Can’t imagine it does not, but sometimes that is too tender a place to keep open when being ripped open from all other angles. By ripped open, I do not mean in a negative manner although it certainly is not pleasant. I mean like an infection needing to be opened in order to heal. We were so careful to raise our children differently, spiritually, tenderly. Yet, somehow, those seedlings of self will, our over powering wills, our lack of wills, –all of that- dropped in there and come forth at some time. Walking alongside these growing adults is one of the toughest things I have yet to do. Trying to give them knowledge and wisdom for them to take or leave knowing that it would/could make all the difference between a wise or a foolish decision. And yet, in the end it comes down to what it always comes down to. Faith. Faith that being open and vulnerable is the only way to ever experience the opposite feelings of fullness and joy. Faith that we are His daughters and sons and His love and plans far surpass our own. Faith that Jesus never showed up against a lily-white back drop. Faith that I have/am giving my all and will be gifted the strength (stubbornness) to continue one moment at a time regardless of full hearts, broken hearts, aching hearts, jubilant hearts.